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Here we have a collection of true (well, as far as I remember them) stories that have happened to your truly. To paraphrase George Costanza: "In conclusion, these stories are not embellished because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly the story of my life as a tallish, slow-witted, balding man." |
Longer Stuff
Where The Cats Pee (And Other Adventures With Jarl and Myrtle)
After taking both a job and a room for rent off Craigslist, the author moves into a home with possibly the least stable family in America. A ten-part, serially told tragicomedy.
After taking both a job and a room for rent off Craigslist, the author moves into a home with possibly the least stable family in America. A ten-part, serially told tragicomedy.
Weird Fiction
Schott In The Back: An Ed Schott Mystery
Self-proclaimed war hero Ed Schott lives a quiet life in Sunset Acres Retirement Estates. He just wants to be left alone, but still knows how to put out tea and cookies when trouble comes calling.
Self-proclaimed war hero Ed Schott lives a quiet life in Sunset Acres Retirement Estates. He just wants to be left alone, but still knows how to put out tea and cookies when trouble comes calling.
No Time For Mysteries: An Ed Schott Mystery
On the heels of an appearance on local news, someone at Sunset Acres has begun posting disturbing photos from Ed Schott's dark past. If our hero can't discover who's targeting him, he'll either have to pay the piper or watch his reputation go the same way as one of his bad checks.
On the heels of an appearance on local news, someone at Sunset Acres has begun posting disturbing photos from Ed Schott's dark past. If our hero can't discover who's targeting him, he'll either have to pay the piper or watch his reputation go the same way as one of his bad checks.
Shorter Stories
Put 'Em On The GlassA story in which my pecs instigate a traffic accident.
The UndergraduateAn account of the worst "scientist" I ever had the pleasure of working with.
Playing PossumA love story. With seizures and possums.
The Vanishing Japanese Porn MysteryMysteries abound when a hotel television begins to play pornographic videos.
Then We Came To The EndA surprise break-up goes awry on Christmas Eve.
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World's Shittiest Book DealI write a book and sell it to a publisher to begin my career as a famous writer. Unfortunately, fate has other plans.
The Bathrobe ManeuverA disturbing massage leads to an even more disturbing scientific conference.
The Lazy Attempted Suicide of Larry KornA desperate classmate fakes a suicide attempt. Chinese food ensues.
Showdown in TallinnSusan fights to the death to get her peanut butter on an Estonian airliner.
The Betrayal of JebUnexpected lessons in love and erotic fulfillment.
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Monkey Brawl StoryA saucy young Noah is tasked with collecting a lab monkey. The situation rapidly devolves.
The Science FairOver several years I judged the Chicago City Science Fair. Others have feted the best presenters; here, we acknowledge the worst.
The Last TelemarketerThe story of my first (and worst) job as a telemarketer. 
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